Pretend.

The hurtful moment i had, happened again just now.

How am i suppose to be a good daughter if every good thing i trying to do for you, you skeptical about it and accused me doing all that because i had an intention? I was just offering a massage, if you don't want it can't you decline it? You pushed my hand away and told me :" Stop pretending."

Do you ever think the words that came out from your mouth were like a slash at the back. It hurts still. In my room, i was sad and i found an old diary of mine. Guess what? You are the main character in the book. Not just the first time. Years ago, Mother's Day i bought you a flower and told you 'i love you' ( i dont usually do that, ill never do this again) and she just said :" Don't pretend.." Another time, i took a glass of water for you, no thankful word but sarcastic tone of :" Don't pretend to be good." Funny, i told myself not to be and won't be good anymore.

Whats wrong with you keep complaining your daughter is not good enough, others daughter are much better if you don't even give me a chance to do so? I was never good enough for you mom. Everything i achieved and gained never made you proud. Others are always better, you don't give a damn about mine.

Your favourite quote :" Is too late for you, hopeless."

i love you so much and i so afraid of loosing you but you never realise that. Maybe one day you will when i can give you what you want.


18/10/05
You never listen to what i said,
You never thought i'd succeed,
And though i've given you all i can,
You show no faith in me.


I'll pretend you like me.