Hold on or Let go.

Yesterday, mom and aunty brought a 'sifu' or some sort of master to see my grandpa. My grandpa is very ill and sick. The only thing he can do is laying on a bed, suffering. He can't walk or remember us anymore. It kills me to see him like this. The master said my grandpa's will to live is strong. He can't let go of something thats why he is still here with us. Maybe he miss my grandma, he love my grandma. He always love her, so so much. 

I remember grandma asked him before :" Why are you still here? Don't you wan to go and join ur family at another world? Are you waiting for me?" And my grandpa just nodded his head. I laughed but at the same time i felt the sorrow.

The master gave my grandma a lantern light, if the light burn for a time ( forgot how long) without fail then his soul will rest in peace in 3 months ... I dont know what the hell is that but i dont know.

I want to see you smile again my grandpa. You don't deserve to be like this.

I want you to go, go to a better place

but

deep down i want you stay, hold on for us. I'm selfish. 

I miss the time when i go to grandma house, i can see my grandpa sitting at the living room watching those documentaries or old movies while peeling fruits for me to eat. I miss his story telling about anything and everything.

I am afraid my memories of you will fade away. 

Hoping for a miracle.

公公， 你还好吗？